During my 4th year of med school, I reeked of desperation. Any woman who was within a 100 yard radius wisely avoided any prolonged exposure to me. I was so lonely and so empty and I wanted something to fill that up or at least dull it. And of course, there was nothing there. I couldn't get a date to save my life.
Now, life's a little different. I'm much happier with who I am. I've come to terms with who I am and what I want out of life and that, holy crap, what's the rush? Life is hard enough without me adding more stress to the picture.
So, on top of all this, a friend of mine threatened to fix me up. I say threatened because it has the feel of a threat. You know, meeting someone on your own has this giddy pleasure. The fix up, it has a palpable sense of doom, because if something goes wrong, it has the potential of fucking up more than just a couple dates.
Last year, I would've jumped at a fix up. I actually asked more than a few people to help me out with that stuff. So I find it very amusing that I couldn't scare up any interest a year ago when I would've jumped at the chance, but now, with a tangible offer in place, I feel... reluctant.
Maybe it's the idea of a fix up that's a little spooky. There's so much potential to go wrong, and it's hard to get a sense if anything right is there. Maybe it's just the thought of trusting my taste in women to another person. Or maybe it's just me and the overriding thought that I probably have the requisite amount of self-loathing to fuck it up just to prove to myself that I'm still a loser.
3 comments:
AVOID THE FIX-UP AT ALL COSTS. I've been fixed up four or five times. It never, ever goes well. Here's a list:
1. The super-ugly, super-boring girl who a girl I actually wanted to porn set me up with out of retribution.
2. The fundamentalist, creationist, who thought I was the antiChrist because I thought man and ape shared a common ancestor.
3. The beautiful borderline/histrionic personality girl (with the rare double axis II diagnoses) my dad met at an ammunition store who stared deeply into my eyes on our first date and looked as if she were about to fellate me under the table, only to rebuke my attempts at a second date.
4. The cute, divorced, Midwestern Jewish girl who was thirtysomething, surely couldn't find her clitoris with a Geiger counter, and was underemployed as a purchaser for Whole Foods. She was a size two and needed a lip wax. My mom set this one up, as she also set up my date with the creationist.
Things to know about the set-up:
1. Your friends have no idea what turns you on.
2. Your friends are setting up their lonely ass friends, who are usually incapable of the requisite social skills to make meeting a complete stranger over coffee a fun enterprise.
3. If you must go on some sort of blind date, offer to meet the set-up at a ball game or a boat christening or some event with plenty of booze and socially acceptable escape clauses. She'll let you know if she want to play.
I don't agree with the previous comments....
I don't know what they expect from a date or what they're looking for... (Although the first person has had some increadibly bad luck, who cares!)
What I'm looking for in a woman to date is someone who I can go out with and have some fun with. Plan a date around something fun and have some fun. If she turns out to be some kind of psycho killer, you may have a problem, but short of that who cares what happens!
If she turns out to be an ugly anoying bitch so what. You're under no obligation to her. Leave.
But if she turns out to be an interesting person who you enjoy spending an evening doing something fun with....
Kick ass. Maybe it would turn into something romantic, maybe not, but at least it's a possible person to share Shabu Shabu with. (A good bit of fun to eat, but a bit crazy to order alone.)
You have nothing of value to loose, and potential for fun.
Don't worry about self_loathing. Just have some fun.
-BAD
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