Today is my first day off in 11 days. I've been working a week and a half straight and let me tell you, it sucks. It's nice to relax for a day, take things easy. Being sick helps, because I don't have the motivation to do anything right now other than watch bad TV movies and sip tea. It's a nice life.
I do feel a little ansy though. I feel like I should be doing things, other than shoveling snow and trying to keep warm. You know, sometimes, stagnation can be a boring place. So I'm trying to clean up a little, get things back into order. It's not working out so well.
It's beginning to dawn on me that in less than 6 months, I'll be a senior resident, and I'll admit, I feel entirely unprepared. I don't feel ready. I'm scared as shit, actually, and that's a motivation that I've never had before. You know, even as a junior, that's not as scary because you know you have a senior looking out for you. Once you're a senior, you're a top dog.
I want to do outpatient medicine. I don't like the hospital. I didn't go into medicine for the action. I didn't choose this for attention or fame or whatever. I like medicine because I get to meet people and play a part in their lives, for the better hopefully. That's what I want. The hospital? Someone has yet to convince me that the hospital is a force for good.