I was out with F and S today, enjoying a very fine afternoon. I don't have a lot of free time. The whole 4 days off a month really starts to eat at your soul, so it's nice to get away from it all, when I get the chance.
The fun thing about doing anything with F is that the world's open. We're comfortable drinking beer and eating onion rings, or having a fancy meal at a classy restaurant. Our man dates are beginning to get elaborate.
What was nice though was that I had a chance to bounce something off of F that's been bothering me. I don't know what my style is. What I mean is that when I got dressed in the morning, I didn't know what to wear. I settled on jeans and a cream color sweater and tennis shoes, but that's not really my style. It's the dress code for people that don't care what they're wearing. The malls are full of these people.
During high school and college, my style was shorts and t-shirts, like the rest of college-attending America. Once I got to med school, I realized that I needed a look, a collection of clothing that was me. Except I didn't know what that was, and I'm still not entirely sure.
Along with this, I don't know what kind of car guy I am. I like sedans that are small and zippy, like the Saabs and the BMWs, but is that me? I got my Honda because it was expedient, not really because I loved it. I've grown to love it, but that's a far cry from being a Honda guy.
And this sort of tops out with the fact that I don't know what my type of girl is. I honestly don't have a good handle on what I want in a woman. I know I want someone with some brains, someone with some class and refinement, but beyond that, I can't say.
So, I've been spending time lately trying to figure out what kind of a guy I am, and what kind of a girl I want. It's somewhat taxing, trying to figure this stuff out. I mean, it's hard enough to shop. It's even harder when I don't know what I want. And that sort of exemplifies my romantic life: it's hard enough just dating, but when you don't even know what you're looking for, it's that much harder.
I remember when I was 13 and was in Macy's and saw a green fall coat on a rack for $80 that I had to have. It was sheer happenstance. I was going up the escalator and it was in view. I walked right up, grabbed a green one off the rack, and that was it. Sometimes, I wish that the rest of my life could line up so easily.