The longest night of the year

It's officially Winter now, and the Winter solstice is gone days ago. The days can only get longer. Thank God. After my bout with seasonal affective disorder a few years back, I always dread November and December. It's the worst.

Seasonal affective disorder is a funny thing, because I always think that I'll do okay, but it's very much hit or miss whether the lack of sunlight will make me feel miserable, or whether I'll be fine.

A few years back, I had it bad. I was clinically depressed, and all of the sorrows and tortured issues of my life came flooding back to me, and I wanted to die. I just wanted everything to be over. I wanted to lose all the pain and heartache and self-pity. And one domino kept knocking down another. A girl rejected me. A friend abandoned me. A test was nearly too hard for me. And things just got worse and worse and worse, till I very sternly questioned what it was that made me get out of bed and bother to be alive.

And looking back on it now, it's strange to think that I was that depressed, because the things that bothered me back then, nothing's really changed now. Just a little perspective I guess. If I don't post before then, Merry Christmas.

No comments: