I wish at times that I had the drive to be a superstar. I know that all my attendings think I'm good. I've already been offered jobs by some docs in the area. It's all extremely flattering. But I know that if I had more ambition, I could've willed myself into any field I wanted. GI? Card? I could do it, if I put myself to work.

My life, at its core, is a life lived on minimal effort. And I know why. I only put forth minimal effort because I save it up. There have been times in my life when breathing was something I had to force myself to do. And there are times when all the effort in the world was needed just to get out of bed.

So I never put the pedal to the floor anymore, just in case I need a little extra gas for a tough spot. And maybe that's timid of me, but I don't know how many times I can get roughed up without keeping something in the tank.

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