Not really

I was thinking about this girl, and it occurred to me that I didn't really know her at all. Of course, I knew her, but not in that meaningful way. I knew her habits and her likes and dislikes, but know? I didn't know. I didn't know her hopes and fears, her ambitions and hinderances. I didn't really know her.

But what made things so convincing was how well I knew about her. It's strange how well you can appreciate the trappings of a person, but not the inner apparatus. It's like a building you pass by every day, but never look inside. And that's what made things so... difficult in the end. I knew too much about this girl.

So well known that when she rejected me, I couldn't understand why. I mean, other girls have rejected me, and I've had varying responses, but confusion was a new sensation. Because I thought that I understood her. I thought that she made sense to me, deeply.

But did I really know her? Not really. I just knew the shell. And I'm not bitter, no sir. That's life. Sometimes it's crumbs, and I can't really complain, because I never came out of my shell either.


Cathleen said...

Ouch, that's painful. But yeah, you're right. You do have to let down your guard too. (Except that it hurts more when you do.)

Hope things work out next time :-)

incidental findings said...

Y'know, sometimes, it's hard to let your guard down, because there's nothing to protect yourself. And rejection becomes more of personal injury rather than a bruised ego.

Cathleen said...

Sadly, yes.