A letter to an ex:

More in the series of painful letters never meant to be read by the intended recipient.

Ever since this all began, I've been in anguish. It's been torture for me to sit by while you sorted through your feelings, not saying no, but never really saying yes. But watching you tonight, watching you two pawing each other made me realize a lot of things.

I've been doing a lot of remembering, and really, I can't think of a time that you ever really opened up to me. I get all these cards and letters, but you never talk to me. You say things, but there's nothing behind it. I don't want your letters if you're not willing to share yourself with me. I've bared my soul to you. That's just not fair. I don't want your letters if you can't share with me who you are.

You say we're good friends, but I never see you, never talk to you. You're willing to hug everyone but I'm left standing around. I've never felt like a friend to you. I've always felt like an outsider, and it was stupid of me to think that I could have a relationship with you when you've never shown me a token of affection.

Half of my enjoyment of our relationship was finally feeling accepted by you, and that I was worthy of your affections, but that didn't last, did it. It was a battle just to see you, to hold your hand, to touch you. And now, it's like you're not in my life at all.

If you don't want to be friends, that's fine, but I don't like being treated like a second class friend, and that's how I've felt for a long time. You don't talk to me, you don't sit near me, you don't make eye contact, and I hate thinking that I have to compete for your friendship. That's not what being friends is about.

If this is how it's going to be, I'd rather never see you again. What's the point of this 'friendship' when we both know it's a joke. Let's call this what it is. You want to make this out to be all nice and pretty. Well, if this is friendship to you, I want no part of it.

And as far as our mutual friends go, you need not worry about me ruining your fun anymore. You can have them all. I've burnt longer bridges in my life.

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