I was sitting at the nurses station, minding my own business, and Blondie nurse was walking by. Blondie nurse is probably the hottest nurse in the hospital, and she routinely has physicians wrapped around her finger. I've always been polite to Blondie nurse, but never much more.
She stopped, and we chatted for a few minutes about my life, and then I was paged away. She wanted to know all about my career plans, and was sad to find out that my rotation ends soon. The strange thing was that she was very flirty.
I am entirely unsure of what prompted this. Although I am nice to the nurses, it's not like I do anything novel or exceptional. In fact, some nurses have a pretty dim opinion of my medical abilities. So, it's hard for me to decide whether events like this happen because nurses think I'm approachable, or if it is because they are interested.
Now, I'm not complaining that the sexiest nurse in the hospital is talking to me, but I really wonder. Because I'm not that handsome or dashing. I'm not charming or romantic. I'm not flirtatious. So I have a hard time seeing why any woman would be interested in me.
Some of my friends find this self-assessment infuriating. But I just don't see it. I don't. When I look in the mirror, I see plain, boring, chubby, nerdy. It just doesn't make sense to me why women would be interested.
Chocolate Thunder, he tells me that I lowball myself. I'm a good person, a doctor, dedicated to my work. In a few short months, I will be making six figure salary. On paper, I'm great. But I can't help but see the same self-conscious, scared kid when I see myself. And maybe I'm still mired in the college age mindset, trying to impress these impossible to please 20 year old girls.
Someone told me something very profound: "You're such a funny guy. You're really nice and friendly, hard working, dedicated, and really compassionate, and you don't see any of that. You're always so down on yourself! You need to realize that you're a fantastic guy, and if some girl can't see that, then she doesn't deserve you."