And how are you, doctor?

I was sitting at the nurses station, minding my own business, and Blondie nurse was walking by. Blondie nurse is probably the hottest nurse in the hospital, and she routinely has physicians wrapped around her finger. I've always been polite to Blondie nurse, but never much more.

She stopped, and we chatted for a few minutes about my life, and then I was paged away. She wanted to know all about my career plans, and was sad to find out that my rotation ends soon. The strange thing was that she was very flirty.

I am entirely unsure of what prompted this. Although I am nice to the nurses, it's not like I do anything novel or exceptional. In fact, some nurses have a pretty dim opinion of my medical abilities. So, it's hard for me to decide whether events like this happen because nurses think I'm approachable, or if it is because they are interested.

Now, I'm not complaining that the sexiest nurse in the hospital is talking to me, but I really wonder. Because I'm not that handsome or dashing. I'm not charming or romantic. I'm not flirtatious. So I have a hard time seeing why any woman would be interested in me.

Some of my friends find this self-assessment infuriating. But I just don't see it. I don't. When I look in the mirror, I see plain, boring, chubby, nerdy. It just doesn't make sense to me why women would be interested.

Chocolate Thunder, he tells me that I lowball myself. I'm a good person, a doctor, dedicated to my work. In a few short months, I will be making six figure salary. On paper, I'm great. But I can't help but see the same self-conscious, scared kid when I see myself. And maybe I'm still mired in the college age mindset, trying to impress these impossible to please 20 year old girls.

Someone told me something very profound: "You're such a funny guy. You're really nice and friendly, hard working, dedicated, and really compassionate, and you don't see any of that. You're always so down on yourself! You need to realize that you're a fantastic guy, and if some girl can't see that, then she doesn't deserve you."


Demented M said...

My husband totally does not think he is hot and he is. He was so insecure, I had to push and pull and bludgeon him into dating me. (We've been together 13 years now.) So who's to say you're not hot. And what is the ideal you're holding yourself up to? You don't have to be Brad Pitt to be attractive.

Love is not about being beautiful, it's about being who you are and finding someone who appreciates you.

I was never the hottest girl around, cute enough, but not anything that could compete with buxom blondes. Yet I never lacked for dates, never had a problem attracting guys' interest. I'm convinced that it was because I would talk to guys and engage them and somehow create opportunities where they felt comfortable asking me out. The buxom blondes of the world don't do this and having some buxom blonde friends, I know it's not because they're necessarily stuck up, but because they don't think they're good looking either.

You won't find someone until you're able to get past this insecurity. You don't need looks, you need confidence.

Why don't you believe in yourself? Why don't you believe in who you are?


SuperStenoGirl said...

"..You're really nice and friendly, hard working, dedicated, and really compassionate,.."

You should chant this to yourself every morning. Trust me, something along the same lines helped my confidence in as little as 3 months (God, now I sound like an infomercial!). It really helps your self-confidence and drills it into your head that you are what your friends see you as.

Your friend is right: If a girl doesn't see you for the type of person you are then she definitely doesn't deserve you.

My aunt used to say "You gotta kiss a lotta frogs before you find a prince(princess in your case)". Take some risks, and chaulk up any (which I doubt there would be) rejections to a learning experience. The only BAD experience is the one you don't learn from.