A savvy investor

My mom created a mutual fund account for me for my college tuition. After graduating college, the remainder kind of became my emergency money. I keep it around in case of disaster. It floated me through medical school for things like food and rent. Now that I'm gainfully employed, the money's just sitting around earning a measly 2% interest. I'm keeping up with inflation, and that's about it.

So, after having a financial planner, 2 tax preparers, and a couple friends who work in finance all tell me that I'm an idiot, I've decided finally to reinvest the money out of super safe pointless money markets and back into mutual funds. Here is, briefly, the last 24 hours of my life (try to imagine the clock beeping sound from the TV show "24").



3/28 - 2200: After going through a bunch of Fidelity funds, I find FLVCX which seems to be performing awesomely. I am ready to invest. Bring it on, bitches! Mood: elated.

3/28 - 2201: FLVCX has a minimum $10,000 investment. Shit. Mood: aggravated.

3/28 - 2330: After researching more funds, and finding one with a lower buy in, I find FBALX which isn't the big dog that FLVCX is, but is a decent performer, and has a good 5 year trend, and I'm looking for long term investments anyway. Mood: satisfied.

3/28 - 2335: I'm ready to order. I buy $2,500 into the fund. Mood: anxious.

3/28 - 2338: Instead of transferring from my money market, I just put in the order to buy on margin. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. Thank God it's the middle of the night and the market's not open. Mood: I think I just shit my pants.

3/29 - 0015:
The order is pending cancellation. I'm too scared to put in a new order while the old one is still sitting there, waiting to be canceled. I go to bed and pray that I don't get a random call from Fidelity in the morning. Mood: trying not to wet myself while I sleep.

3/29 - 1333: The order canceled, thankfully. Now, I do it right and tranfer funds from the money market to the mutual fund. I buy in $2,500. Mood: cautious optimism.

3/29 - 1340: The order is still not filled. There's still plenty of time, but when's this going to happen? Mood: Not so optimistic anymore.

3/29 - 1758: The market's closed now and the order finally filled. But now, I've got a different dilemma. The account value is right. The mutual fund buy is right. But the website shows my FBALX current value to be $0.00, despite having 127.291 shares of it. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Mood: raving lunatic.

3/29 - 1920: I've managed to convince myself that this is because my order filled at the end of the market day, and the value will post in the morning when the market opens again with the next day's value. I think. I hope? I mean, it's not like my $2,500 just vanished, right? RIGHT? RIGHT?!?!?!?! Mood: currently meets criteria for diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia.

3/29 - 2230: After reading the small print, I see that it takes another business day to update the value of my new purchase, so there's nothing to worry about, and my money's still there. I set up my bank account so I can make electronic fund transfers to my Fidelity account. This could become trouble. Mood: a little worried that I might spend all my money and go into bankruptcy and get my kneecaps shattered by a big Italian named Guido.

And that, my friends, is how my first 24 hours of being a savvy investor has gone. Once I'm more comfortable with the whole process, I'm going to put more money into investments and try to diversify a little. But (1) I have to stop wetting myself with this trading stuff, and (2) I need to stop buying $200 pens.

1 comment:

glorified midwife said...

thank you for making me laugh out loud.