Please understand me

The Kiersey Temperament sorter is one of those things that I do every year or two to see where I'm at. When I was in high school, I was a very strong ISTJ, which is very detail-oriented, probably the nerdiest of the personality types. Somewhere in college, I became an ISFJ, which was much more consistent with a career in medicine. The type is called the Protector and is common among general medicine practice.

Once I got into medical school, I had a subtle shift from ISFJ to INFJ, and right now, that sounds about right. I was trying to figure out my career choices in medicine and when I looked at the INFJ careers, it was my residency dilemma in grid form.

But reading through some of the stuff on INFJ's, I realize that other stuff hits home too more than just choice of career. I don't really believe that something as banal as a questionnaire has the power to explain my life, but it's a useful tool for introspection.

Some things really made sense, like my utter inability to take praise, or my ability to work well with people despite being horribly introverted. Or how I hate taking leadership positions, but when I do, I run a tight ship. But much like that crappy TV show "Crossing Over" it's easy to say these things and get people to identify.

The relationship stuff was pretty much right on. I have no interest in relationships that won't go anywhere, and I really do prize intimacy. What's the point of dating if it never goes anywhere? I'll admit that I've had opportunities, but it's a waste of time going out with someone if she's not someone you'd want to spend time with. There's sex I guess, but I'm a good little Catholic boy.

And besides, I'm not interested in sex as much as I am intimacy. I'd like to be close to someone. I feel like there's no one in my life who has ever known me intimately, and that's sad. And on bad days, I wonder if it'll ever happen. But like I've said, my outlook on life isn't as gloomy as it used to be, but it's hard not to feel alone sometimes, and that's not something you can overcome by yourself, y'know?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you want intimacy with a person. dont we all? i share your perspective on dating and i am also a catholic. but at least you are a doc. there are a lot of people who cant say that. appreciate what you have and give it back to God. he gave you the gift, he can take it back. there are a lot of people who want to be a doc for the wrong reasons but because they can master O-chem they are deemed more than qualified to be accepted in med school. no one ever asks if you want to become a doctor because you know you have the heart for it. i know i do. i believe there is no other field of science than medicine that gives back to humanity better. but who cares if the neighborhood physician really cares for his patients right? let him feed off his community to boost his ego and income. probably wont ever volunteer his time and skills to countries with little access to medical care. jobs shouldd be given according to calling and vocation for those who deserve it the best. that is why i know that it is only by God that i wlll ever become a physician, i feel a deep desire to become one, but my academic know how cannot compete with other money hungry o-chem students. what a sad world