I realized pretty quickly that what I want to do with my life is outpatient medicine. I like longitudinal care. I like getting to know people and being involved with their care. I like seeing them while they're doing well. I like helping to keep people healthy.
I don't really like procedures much. I don't enjoy acute care. I absolutely hate codes and unstable situations. I don't like doing treatment that I know is most likely futile.
So, I've come to the realization that ICU medicine is the antithesis of what I want to do with my life. It's everything I don't want to do and everything I don't want to be. I might as well be a surgeon. It's so unappetizing to me that I thought about making myself DNR.
Maybe it'll make me a better doctor, but this critical care stuff is beating me down, and I'll be glad when I'm back in the office. Or maybe it's just that when you're alone, it's tough to see the point of buying a couple extra days for someone on death's door.