I've been listening to Nirvana lately. The advantage of a 6 disc in dash CD player is that you can put in all sorts of tunes. And while I was driving home from another nightmare day, I was rocking out to "Smells Like Teen Spirit." That song, such a breakthrough, and propelled Nirvana and the whole grunge movement, it's old. It was released in 1991. Holy crap. That was 14 years ago. I remember how it turned the music world on its head and made everyone take notice. Now, it's old.

The nurses around me, a lot of them are young, like real young. Some of the clinic nurses are 20. And I think about them, and all those 20 year olds, and they didn't have a Nirvana. They were all of 6 when it came out. They were watching Sesame Street (or maybe Barney). It makes me realize that I'm not young anymore. I'm old.

Sometimes, I wish I was young again. I wish that I could do it over, not to fix anything or to correct the injustices of my life. I just want to live like that again. I want to feel life. I want to grasp life in my fists again. I don't feel that anymore. I can't feel life. Where did it all go? And sometimes, in my car, driving to work to play doctor, I'll turn up Teen Spirit real loud and try to remember what it was like to be so young and so alive.

1 comment:

Dr. Luke Van Tessel said...

Dude, fuck that noise. Do you really want to be fifteen with acne and no license thinking about thinking about asking that girl from trig to homecoming? Or in college trying to get into med school? Or drinking Natty light? I advise you to remember the sheer shitstorm and heartache of 15-25. You're old when you stop trying new things. Or when you need b.i.d. NSAIDS. Until then, I'd go buy me some new tunes. And remember, if you haven't heard 'em, they're new to you.