So, sometimes, I get terrible insomnia. And now it's 3AM and I can't sleep. I'm smoking cigarettes, thinking about a beer, wondering if I can get someone to write me some Ambien tomorrow. But it's not noise or pain or anything obvious causing my insomnia. It's that I can't stop thinking.

I'm thinking about this patient in his 90's who I intubated, and I was literally begging his son not to make me do this. Or the little old lady who I was doing CPR on, and I could hear each rib snapping under my hands. I was thinking about the 40 something mother of two who I've admitted for the fourth time for complications from chemotherapy. I'm thinking about a potassium of 2.7, and how I only gave 40mEq orally and added 20 mEq in the IV fluids, but maybe I needed to give more.

I can't let it go sometimes. I leave the hospital, and thinking about my own life is so unattractive that I'd rather think about whether I should've added a second antibiotic to cover anaerobes.


The Sneaky Dog said...

Dude, let it go. Let it go when you leave the hospital or it will never leave you. You have to find your own way to do this, everyone has their own way. Work is work and home is a different place. Also remember that you are not the only one. There are plenty who can not sleep.

I know you have heard this before, heck, i bet you have told patients this before. But it is different when it is yourself you are talking about.


SuperStenoGirl said...

You shouldn't smoke, it's bad for you. (by the way, where are my cigarettes?). As for sleep, can't help you. I've only gotten about 8 hours of sleep since Monday. Maybe try some relaxation techniques? You know, those funny new-age stuff.