Empty

I've moved my laptop into the living room so I can watch TV and surf the net at the same time. This should tell you about how boring my life is. My whole life is working at the hospital. I wake up to go to the hospital. I come home and wait to go back to the hospital.

My attendings are mixed in their opinions on my complete and utter lack of a social life. Some think this is grand. I can dedicate all my attention to medicine. Some think this is horrible, that I run the real possibility of losing any semblance of normality.

I can feel it now, this complete emptiness in my life, and it's not so bad. It's not like I'm playing in traffic. It's just that there's nothing that inspires me. I put in my time and I'm good at what I do. I even enjoy it. But that's not the same as having meaning and fulfillment.

There's no meaning in my life. I don't know how you go about fixing that.

5 comments:

glorified midwife said...

i couldn't go in to the hospital for 2 days, and i was so incredibly bored, i couldn't wait to go back. how sad is that? i wonder what normal people do with all of their free time?

Kelly said...

Hey, I 've been reading for awhile now, so maybe you won't mind my 2 cents...

Doing nothing outside of work is gonna risk your ability to help those patients you like to go in for.....

....what did you like to do before medicine? Go shoot hoops or something. The gym? The library?

Believe it or not, medicine won't always be there...you could be paralyzed tomorrow and may need to quit. You'll be old (and senile? HA!) someday. Make sure you cultivate (however slow) something outside of that hospital. You'll never regret it. Everyone needs an out. And I'm convinced docs need it more than most. I worked for one who sometimes SLEPT in his office because he was working too much. It was BAD man--real bad.

You seem to be a good doc. Don't ruin that by being a doc too much.

incidental findings said...

Part of being a resident physician is having the humanity beaten out of you. And I have hobbies and interests, but it's just killing time. It's not that I'm trying to ignore my social life. It's that I desperately wish I did have one.

Anonymous said...

i am a third year in med school and i feel that way already. it's a choice we made in the very beginning, don't you think? most people's life revolves around their work. so, best case scenario, you find a job that you love. you know all this stuff!

incidental findings said...

My life doesn't revolve around my work; it is my work. That's the problem.