Reading over my old blog, I was so much more... open. It wasn't all so heavy handed. Sorry about that. I'll try to do better.

I had a moment today, something that I thought I was past. Y'know, it's weird when you suddenly think of someone. I was thinking of this one girl, and I'd been carrying a torch for her for... well... years really. And part of moving somewhere that I only had a few friends around meant washing myself of all the little shit that I've accumulated in my life.

And suddenly today, I found myself thinking the strangest thoughts, like wondering what she was doing right then, or Googling her, or doing little shit like that. And it's like falling in a hole that's been cordoned off with police tape. It's just stupid.

Because if she came up to me today and confessed her undying love, I'd say no. No because she rejected me. No because she never thought of me. No because she was not there. No because she's not the person I dreamed that she might be. No because my heart deserves better than table scraps.

And I carry a torch for no one now, because no one ever did for me.


Anonymous said...

Dude, I've been following your blog for a little while now, and I enjoy your writings and all, but seriously....the pity party gets a little too intense sometimes. So does the self-righteous indignation. I know it's your blog and all, so you can say whatever you want, it's a free continent and all that jazz....but maybe that's why you're STILL single. Coming from a female perspective, I would say that you might be taking yourself a little too seriously. Chicks dig guys who make them feel good about life. Anyways, that's enough of my lecturing. Peace.

incidental findings said...

I wrote this long-winded reply to this comment, but I think I can simply sum it up: this blog is all about my personal flaws and weaknesses and fears and things that keep me up at night. That's what it is. And to think that this blog is an accurate representation of me would be a false assumption.

If it seems heavy handed and full of self-pity and self-loathing, then I've achieved my intended purpose.