No, I'm not a doctor

I don't like telling people that I'm a doctor. It's not because I'm humble or bashful. It's because I can't stand the questions! The first thing that people do when they find out I'm a doctor is to pester me with medical questions:

Can you feel something wrong in my knee?

Why did they use two different stitches?

I have this lump in my arm. What is it?

Stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING QUESTIONS!! I don't want to answer your damn questions It's cancer, okay? Fever? Cancer. Sweating? Cancer. Leg pain? Cancer. The answer now is always cancer.

The worst was a stripper that had me do a joint exam. WTF.

Some of you may think, well, I went into medicine so people would seek my opinion. However, what you need to understand about free medical advice is that you get what you pay for. Without knowing anything about someone's medical history or doing a thorough H+P, I can't really give a decent opinion.

So stop asking me so many questions, unless you're in my clinic. Then ask away.


DRM said...

...but only ask questions about the reason you are in my clinic today, not about the fifty other problems you have, you need to make another appointment to discuss those.

glorified midwife said...

when i moved in, my mom told my neighbors that i was a doctor (@#$!$^@$%&#&^#$%^). now i can't get out the door without them asking a question. my favorite: "can you come over and tell our daughter about all the diseases you can catch by having sex?"

potential md said...

I can see that this is coming. I've only just gotten accepted at medical school and at work people are already talking to me about their medical problems more than they used to. It's funny but at the moment I can just say - don't ask me anything for 6 years. :>

TigerLily46 said...

Wait until a member of your family is in the hospital and you find out that your clinical judgement sucks when it comes to someone you love. I had to call three consults over my brother's fever after a hip operation yesterday. Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

The answer to the many questions is this:

Oh, interesting. Did you want my opinion as to whether or not that requires a trip to the ER, or might safely wait until you can get an appointment with your doctor?

The follow up answer is, I like to err on the side of caution, I'd head to the ER if I were you.

The down side is the local ER will hate you for filling their waiting room with gomers, but eventually, they'll get sick of paying out the arse for silly crap and just call their damn doctor already.