Once the weather warms up, suddenly it's short skirts and t-shirts and couples everywhere. It's wonderful to walk around and enjoy the Spring after a long and sucky winter, but Spring is not without its own troubles.
It's tough not to feel kind of alone. I'm not one typically prone to such whimsy, but I have to say, I'm pretty lonely these days. It's kind of empty, my life. I just come home and eat dinner and then go back to work. That's about it. I wish there was more to it, but there just isn't.
Maybe that's my own fault, really. I mean, I'm just not a social person anymore. I don't have the time or patience to cultivate those kinds of relationships, meeting people out of the blue. Part of meeting people is knowing people, and I just do not know anyone except the people that I meet in the hospital. I lead a pretty sheltered existence, and that's okay for just getting by, but it seems like I should be doing more with my life.
I miss women. I miss the touch, the smell. It's not something that I really expected. It just kind of snuck up on me. And without the cloudiness of jealousy and self-pity and desperation, it's strange to feel lonely and have little control over rectifying this. And so, I am left with *shudder* online dating. To be fair, it's treated me rather well, but that's not really fair; I haven't asked much of it.
I guess I'm not sure what I want out of life right now. It seems like my desires and my options aren't really matching up. I guess it'd be nice if everything fell into place, but in my life, that's not something I've ever counted on.
1 comment:
where's ur faith?
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