Thank you

I guess now is a good a time as any to get this over with. I want to just thank some people, and by thank, of course I doubt any of them actually read this site, so I get to thank them in utter anonymity.

Thank you, M. I think that I've never met a person quite like you, and probably never will. You've no idea how much you inspired me to be a better student and a better doctor. You showed me that it's okay to hold myself to a higher standard that what was expected of me. You showed me that being a good doctor is not about smarts, but about heart. I remember when I first met you, I remember smoking outside school between classes. I remember it all, and I doubt that you'll ever comprehend how much I'm in your debt.

Thank you, S, for keeping me running even keel. You had such a fantastic way of putting things into perspective. You kept me from getting unbalanced and tripped up. You kept me pointed in the right direction at all times, as much as I wanted to go the other way. You made me realize that life is what you make of it, and that when all you get is lemons in life, you get to discover just how delicious lemonade is. You made me feel like I was a part of your family, and you made me feel at home. Thanks.

Thank you, R, for rejecting me, of all things. Thanks for making me look at myself in the mirror and see who I really am. You'll never know it, but over the past two years, I've grown by leaps and bounds, far surpassing the other nine years I've lived in the Midwest. You know, it's been a long, long time since I've felt like I'm not pretending. It's been a long time since I've been true to myself, and although you probably have no idea, you shook up my world and forced me to find myself. Thanks for only being a friend.

Thank you, F, for listening. Thanks for never blowing off my ravings and tirades and anger and desperation and sadness and self-loathing. Thanks for letting me be myself, and helping me along the way to discover just who I am. Thanks for always being the person to lean on when I needed a shoulder, and the helping hand when I needed a lift. Thanks for making me understand that it's not what's around you as much as what's in you.

Thank you, K, for being the most decent person I know. Thanks for showing me that there is refuge for the kind-hearted and compassionate. Thanks for making me realize that all the qualities I want in a doctor are things that you can't measure or quantify. Thanks for being a person that I admired, that I could call my friend.

Thank you to everyone that helped me along the way to get to this point in my life. I couldn't have done it without you. Everything I've done, I couldn't have done it without friends to lend a helping hand, an attentive ear, or a shoulder to lean on. There are some people who deserve all the thanks in the world, but I'd rather not thank everyone here.

What I really want to do is thank everyone who held me back, everyone who threw roadblocks in my way. I want to thank everyone who doubted, interfered, meddled, and made a mess of my life. I want to thank each and every one of you who made me contemplate suicide for the first time in nine years. I really, sincerely, want to thank you.

I'm not being sarcastic. You know when you're drowning, you've got to strip off your clothing so that you don't sink. When you're running low on fuel, you've got to pitch the dead weight so that you can go the distance. You know, it's like I've been climbing, and I'm halfway up a wall, there are only two directions to go. And as much as you tried to drag me down, I'm still going up. And knowing that you were there to hinder me, to hold me back, to make my life as hellish as possible, it makes reaching the finish line that much sweeter.