I find myself in a very awkward position these days of wishing that I was in a relationship, but entirely unwilling to deal with potential rejection. I am, to put it in the vernacular, gun shy. And so, I'm not really sure what to make of all that. I mean, I'm sure there are positive steps that I can make, but right now, I'm not exactly the picture of confidence.
S is right to point out that I have exhausted my available options. I mean, I do know single women, but I've been relegated to Friendville, so it's not like I'm going anywhere. I find this quite ridiculous, but then again, I'm the one that's single. I'm supposed to find it ridiculous.
Of course, my mom is unusually eager about my prospects. For the past few years, she has been increasingly inquisitive about my romantic life. In college, my mom took the hard line opinion that I should not date because it would interfere with my studies. Well, it wasn't like I listened to her. Now that I've become a medical student, she seems convinced that I should be dating more. Well, I should be dating, period. 'More' would imply that I've been dating.
I had a funny discussion with my mom. I was showing her pictures on my computer. And whenever there was a girl in the picture, my mom would go, "Oh... is she married?" You can imagine the follow-ups that ensued. Anyway, I knew this was coming, but we eventually hit upon one friend of mine. I'll just quote the conversation.
mom: Oh, who is she?
me: That's ______, the friend of mine I told you about.
mom: [trying to ask casually, but this is like the fifth time she's asked this question] Is she seeing anyone?
me: I'm not sure. I don't think so.
mom: Oh, then you should ask her out.
me: I don't think that'd be a good idea.
mom: She sounds nice. And she's pretty. You should ask her out.
me: [laughing] well, I already did. That's why it's not a good idea.
mom: So what did-
me: The answer was no.
mom: Well, how long ago was that? [furrowed brow, analytical gaze]
me: Umm... a while? Like 2 years?
mom: Pfft, after 2 years, it's okay to ask again. It's so long ago, it's like you never asked.
me: ... Well, if she were interested, she'd have said something.
mom: Why would you think that? After two years, ask again.
I have come to realize three very important things. (1) I have absolutely no comprehension of the female mind. (2) My mom seems to have far more confidence in me than I do. (3) From now on, I should tell my mom that all my female friends are married or are nuns.
Less important, but also interesting, the following three items. (1) My mom seems to have this uncanny knack for picking up on girls that I have been interested in. It's not like I tell her anything, but she always manages to hit the mark. (2) My mom's questions have become interesting as well. At no time did she ask me if I knew any Korean girls. She didn't ask about the religion of any of the girls I know. She didn't come out and ask me about my romantic life, but tried to be subtle about it. Odd. (3) I didn't know that "No" had an expiration date.
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