The hot nurse

Every hospital has one hot nurse, a nurse that is attractive and catches all the stares. She's got residents wrapped around her finger. This is, by and large, a product of the system. But it's true. My hospital is no different. We have such a nurse in the ICU that draws a surprising amount of attention. People kept telling me about her, so when I finally met her, I had a good laugh. I had two patients that were under her care, so I had ample opportunity to talk to her, but really, I didn't make much of it, because I wasn't trying.

I know, you're thinking to yourself that if you have to sit through another rant, you'll beat yourself to death with a squeaky hammer. But really, it's not that. I mean, who's to say if that didn't factor into her (or more likely my) thinking, but the truth of the matter is that I had about as much chance with this girl as a Ford Festiva in the Paris-Dakar rally.

I learned long ago that I attract about as much attention as a bowl of oatmeal (and have a similar consistency). I joke (almost incessantly) that all I need is some girl, a couple bottles of tequila, and a state where you can get married drunk. I'm not going to win any beauty contests. I would be very afraid of how I'd do on sites like hotornot.com and the like. So, over time, I've learned that I've got to put out extra stuff, kick my game up a notch just to get noticed. That is faaaaaar more inspired than I actually am.

I would think that after almost 5 years of pitiful failure, I'd have tried just about everything I was willing to try in order to trick convince a girl to go out with me. Well, not everything, but just about enough. I've finally decided enough is enough! Holy crap, I'm done. Let the ladies come to me. Haven't I done enough pursuing for a lifetime? Is it entirely unreasonable to sit back and say it's time people started chasing after me? Probably, but who knows. At this point, I'll take what I can get. And when they brush me off as a loser, I'll point my finger at them and say, "That's DOCTOR loser to you!"