Sometimes, it's hard to say thank you. But I've got a lot to be thankful for. I've got a great job. I'm doing well financially. My life has achieved a good measure of stability. However, stable doesn't always equal good. One attending quipped to me as an intern, "All vitals stabilize and all bleeding stops... eventually." (For those of you not medically inclined, bleeding eventually stops when you've bled to death, and similarly, vital signs like pulse and blood pressure eventually stabilize at zero)

My life has reached a measure of boredom and stagnation that is difficult to stomach, even for myself. I've become completely still. I have nothing in my life to enjoy or anticipate. I am, in a word, bored.

And I think about what I want, and I just don't know. Should I be thankful that I'm not going through all the heartache I've lived through before, and that I've found a place of emotional stability, or should I be totally dissatisfied that there is no joy in my life?

The answer, as usual, is in between. I am thankful that I have a good job and a life that is calm and peaceful. And I am sad that I am so dissatisfied with it.


Anonymous said...

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

You should try harder for happiness...Success is even sweeter at the end if you've worked hard to attain it?

CT said...

Have you thought of trying something that you don't normally do, but is also low-risk as well, i.e. something that doesn't risk too much of yourself?

Sorry for the nonlucid writing. For some reason, I think you might understand what I'm trying to say.