Finding cancer is the worst. It never goes well. I remember one week in the hospital, I admitted 4 patients with new cancer diagnoses. There was the 80 year old with metastatic colon cancer with bowel obstruction. There was the family man with multiple myeloma. There was the young father with AIDS associated lymphoma. There was the college coed with AML. Everyone had a tragic story. Everyone had a bad hand to play.
Last month, I found four cancers. Three of my patients thanked me, and I can't figure out why. Why are you thanking me? You have terminal pancreatic cancer. Why are you appreciative of my effort? You have metastatic breast cancer. This is not the time to thank me. This is not the time to be grateful. You should blame me. Why didn't I see this coming? Why didn't I stop this from happening? Don't thank me. Don't. You have every right to be wallow in self-pity. You have earned the right to be furious. Don't be grateful.
I realized that I really have no understanding of what it means to have cancer. I cannot understand why people are thanking me, as if there is anything to be thankful for. I am Job's messenger crying out 'All that you have and all that you love is lost, and I alone have escaped to tell you!'
And I watch as my patients rend their garments and worship, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.' And much as I imagine Job's servant, I am dumbfounded.
When I was told I had cancer.. it was only my doctor's words and actions that got me to get to a point where I could deal with it.
ReplyDeleteAs much as you don't believe it to be true... as much as this drains away at you... You DO have the power to change the lives of those you're looking after.
It seems like you're only giving out the bad news, the bad side of things, you're the messenger of bad news. But it's often through you; your words, your actions that they find hope, reassurance, courage, or gain acceptance in their battle.. however long it is.
When I was told I had cancer.. it was only my doctor's words and actions that got me to get to a point where I could deal with it.
As much as you don't believe it to be true... as much as this drains away at you... You DO have the power to change the lives of those you're looking after.
It seems like you're only giving out the bad news, the bad side of things, you're the messenger of bad news. But it's often through you; your words, your actions that they find hope, reassurance, courage, or gain acceptance in their battle.. however long. When I was told I had cancer.. it was only my doctor's words and actions that got me to get to a point where I could deal with it.
As much as you don't believe it to be true... as much as this drains away at you... You DO have the power to change the lives of those you're looking after.
It seems like you're only giving out the bad news, the bad side of things, you're the messenger of bad news. But it's often through you; your words, your actions that they find hope, reassurance, courage, or gain acceptance in their battle.. however long. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7TZe87LLfY
I'm a medical student who had cancer... you don't have to see it from the inside though to understand what it's like. It does suck. You're right. I brought myself to say at one stage, when I was told I had no chance and only a few months, that I wasn't limited by a clock, rather that I had the most time int he world because unlike most people, I would LIVE.
It isn't fun - it isn't great. It takes away everything you once had. If you let it. Which many, including I at some stages in my journey, do.
I still maintain though that you have the power to change that. And depressing as losing someone may seem, depressing as this job can get at times... you will ALWAYS have the power to make a difference in someone's lives. Always. And that can mean anything and everything to people like us.