Apologies

The problem with apologies is that they don't really feel good. Forgiveness feels good. To be forgiven, it's a wonderful thing. I remember breaking a collectible Peanuts glass from McDonald's (back in the day when McDonald's gave away things worth collecting), and my brother was mad, but my mom helped me clean up and told me that everything on this earth has its time, and we shouldn't blame ourselves too much when its time ends.

Apologies aren't as wonderful. It doesn't really make me feel any better. It's like alcohol on a cut. It sterilizes and is painful, and it's good in the end, but doesn't feel good. It can hurt worse than the injury that started things.

And part of the hard part about apologies is that it places the burden on you to forgive, and I have a hard time forgiving, because I don't hold things against people much. The things I have left unforgiven are few in number, but sore still. And maybe it would do me good to forgive and to let that chapter of my life close, but it's like a scar, and it's still there, and forgiving won't take that scar away.

Sometimes, life is what it is, and I guess that people should know that what has been done to me, what tragedies that were inflicted upon me, they are all forgiven. There's a saying that goes that you should write the bad things that are done to you in sand or in a flowing river, so that time will wipe it clean. Rest assured, the injuries done to me, they were written in sand and water.