Today in clinic, I picked up an extra patient due to an unfortunate scheduling accident, and the patient turned out to be a problem patient with stuff and other stuff, and I was venting to the nurses, and I asked why did I agree to see that patient, when I knew something like that would happen, and in stereo, the clinic nurses chimed in, "It's because you're so nice!"
If they knew me better, they would've shut up.
Whenever I talk to people these days about my love life, and it's pitiful status, the irresistable comment is: "but you're so nice!" and if I hear it again, I'll scream. Nice isn't a compliment. It's not. Nice is something you say about a poorly written romantic comedy. Nice is a mediocre restaurant in Tiffin, Ohio. Nice is vanilla yogurt. Nice is mashed potatoes from an instant mix. Nice is the teacup ride at Disneyworld. Nice is plain oatmeal. Nice is the word you use to describe something that you didn't hate, but didn't really like.
I can't imagine someone ever dating me based on the fact that I'm nice. Nice covers all kinds of sins. Nice is fat, nice is lazy, nice is ugly and requiring a bag over head, nice is a personality disorder (like histrionic maybe? Borderline is so passé). Nice is lives with his mom and collects recyclables.
I don't want to be nice. I want to be charming, or classy, or dignified, or mysterious (okay, I'll never be mysterious, but you get the idea...). I want to be something interesting, something that attracts some attention. No one ever fell in love with nice. No one ever said to themselves, "I want to date him. He's so nice!"
Because no one wants nice. Because no one ever dreams of meeting someone nice. Oh, don't tell me otherwise, because I know it's true. I know it because I don't dream of nice either. When I come up with a list of what I find attractive and what I want in a woman, the word nice is nowhere on that list. It's an adjective without a noun. A nice spouse? Nice friend? Nice doormat?
I'm not having a desperation moment. I'm not being all 'boo hoo, my life sucks' or anything like that. I'm just sad that the best compliment I get is 'nice.' And really, the fact of the matter is that while nice may be a lot of good things, nice is also single, without any prospects, and closing in on 30.
Don't worry about 30. 30 is just a number. 36, however, is the age at which, statistically, if you've remained single, you're likely to stay that way. But that's a long way down the road. You know when nice is nice? When you're a grownup. Real women enjoy nice. They enjoy it because once they've dated slept-with-my sister guy, tax-fraud guy, and wife-beating guy, NICE is exactly that. Enjoy being nice. Find yourself a nice girl. And in the time before you find a nice girl, don't cackle to the hens and den mothers about your single solitary existence. At best, they will set you up with Suzie from the typing pool whose knickers smell like sourdough. Be taciturn; it's a good way to generate the mystery.
ReplyDeletemagnificentbastard put it quite well. women MARRY nice. and in the end, isn't companionship what we all want?
ReplyDeleteDont go for nice, go for dangerous, its dumb but for some reason girls like it. and really its not that hard to be dangerous, cuz heck most girls are scared by mice or spiders...so how dangerous do you really need to be.
ReplyDeleteHey there :) you'll probably never read this, but the first guy I've really fallen in love with was someone who was nice. And that was the reason I noticed him and the reason I really loved him. Nice is underrated, but I think being nice is one of the best qualities a person can have.
ReplyDelete